New Kids -- Second Class Pick Up Artists - NKOTB were all amped up over a chick they met on their flight to Toronto -- but even she, like most sane people, didn't seem too amped up about their music.
Phelps Ducks For Cover - He must have known he tanked on SNL, because Michael Phelps retreated from the after-party with his head between his legs.
Don't Mind Us, Matt -- Keep Eating - The Newsroom Cafe in L.A. was swarmed this weekend -- not by vermin this time, but by an insane crowd of fans and paps just a few feet from Matthew McConaughey, who was eating on the other side of the window.
Mcconaughey -- Get Off My Sweaty Back! - Surprise, surprise - after a mile and a half swim, biking 18 miles and running another 4, Matthew McConaughey was in no mood to face the paparazzi.
J. Lo -- More Assletic Than You - Jennifer Lopez has just completed the Nautica Malibu Triathlon in 2 hours, 23 minutes and 28 seconds. Her ass crossed the finish line a scant three minutes later.
Michael Phelps' Comedic Doggy Paddle - Monotone Olympic golden boy Michael Phelps hosted last night's season opener for Saturday Night Live to accolades of adequacy.
Milo: Man In The Sky Keeps Lindsay Not High - Michael Lohan refuses to give Samantha Ronson any credit for keeping Lindsay clean -- because he says it's all been up to LiLo's love for the man upstairs.
Duff's New Help Ain't So Tuff - Hilary Duff was caught in a gangbang of paps last night -- but her Nicole Richie doppelganger, aka the Duff Nazi, was nowhere in sight to regulate the situation!
A-hole To Hilton's: Too Much Makeup To Make-up - For all the true statements garbage Paris Hilton and fam receive from Prince Von A-Hole, you'd think an impromptu family reunion at the Ivy would be a perfect time for forgiveness.
Whoopi -- Will Mccain Go All 1864 On My Ass? - Whoopi Goldberg tried to bait Sen. John McCain into saying something stupid today on "The View" -- but she ended up looking like the boob.
Suzanne Somers -- Sexaholic Sexagenarian - According to 61-year-old Suzanne Somers, the secret behind her 30 year marriage is a different kind of thigh master...
Sidney Poitier -- Go Play In Traffic! - He's an 81-year-old Hollywood legend -- so if Sidney Poitier wants to wait in the middle of the street for his car, Sidney Poitier is going to wait in the middle of the street.
Rider Strong: It's Hard For A Guy With A Porn Name - With porn stars out there rockin' names like Dave Pounder, Jack Hammer, and Seymore Butts -- it's easy to see why a guy named Rider Strong could get mixed in with the Triple-X crowd.
Britney Spears Spotted -- Yes, It's Really Her - No faux double here -- Britney went to The Little Door last night and actually stuck up for the pappers when her bodyguard started getting pushy.
Jessica Shakes Her Ta-ta's At Letterman - Yoko Romo was actin' a wannabe-country fool last night on David Letterman -- and when she wasn't cackling that insanely annoying laugh, she was all about gyratin' her jigglies up in Davey's face.
Angelina Holie - A trashy Angelina lookalike hit the mean streets of Hollywood last night -- and by trashy, we mean she was completely trashed.
Stacy Keibler -- So Lying About So Briety - Keib told us her drink of choice is water outside Crown Bar last night. In what language does "water" translate to "tequila?"
